


Hopelessness

by Romhack0101



Series: Loop [9]
Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Timeloop, Despair, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, New Dangan Ronpa V3 Spoilers, Spoilers, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2019-05-26 20:32:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15008876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Romhack0101/pseuds/Romhack0101
Summary: He lost hope a long time ago.Shuichi Saihara has been hopeless for a long time.The one time he lets his own hope die, he soon regrets it.





	Hopelessness

**Author's Note:**

> This was for part of [Oumasai Week](https://oumasaiweek.tumblr.com/), and the theme was Despair.
> 
>  _Enjoy_!

**X-X-X-X**

All he felt was numb.

He fell to his knees.

 _One time_. _One time he let him get away_. _He was merely curious_. _Merely curious_. _He let it happen once more_.

 _He regrets it_.

He decided to do what he usually do, and just explore. Instead, he decided to let Iruma’s plan fall through, and get her killed. Saihara has never let that happen in a while, and he was curious on what it felt like to feel heartbreak and loss. He _always_ stopped Iruma since the fifth timeline. He _always_ stopped her.

 _Not this time_.

He watched as Gonta burned up, and he wanted to accept Ouma’s feelings, but he remembered the first time he sort of rejected them. Saihara watched as Ouma began to _laugh_ after a while, and lied to the rest of the group.

Saihara _almost_ recognized that behavior. Almost. He sees it in himself all the time during past timelines.

 _Ouma wouldn’t be able to help this time_.

He watched Ouma walk away, and walked away once he made sure he was alone. Realizing what he just did. Realizing what was gonna happen next, and he knows he couldn’t stop him. He tried, he tried, but he still couldn’t convince him to drop his plan. Hell, he even offered to be hostage so that way he’d hold him once last time when they were alone.

 _Ouma was set on taking Momota_.

He knows Saihara wouldn’t pull through to his plan. He knows Saihara would just hesitate, and would try to do _something_ else, outside of his plan. He knows Saihara wouldn’t _hurt_ him, despite ‘ _rejecting_ ’ his feelings. He knows Saihara would hesitate.

 _He knows Momota wouldn’t hesitate_.

Once everyone was pumped, and ready to go the next morning, Saihara just _knew_.

 _Ouma was gone_.

He acted strong. He tried to pull through so that way, he’d see for himself.

He _dreaded_ upon seeing the body again for this timeline.

Once the door opened, and he sees red… _No_. _No_!

He couldn’t handle it. _He couldn’t handle it_!

Saihara stood there, in shock, as the body discovery announcement played in the background. _Tears welled up_. _Breath heavy_. _He wanted to scream so badly_.

He decided to let the emotions stay in. _Monokuma knows of their relationship, and he knows that Saihara somehow can predict the future_. _His emotions can tip Shirogane off_.

After a while, he eventually bottled up the feeling of _hopelessness_.

Saihara let out a laugh though. _This was his normal reaction to_ anything _nowadays, and he couldn’t blame himself_. _He had already lost hope multiple timelines ago and just laughed and laughed and laughed_. Funny how they tried to get rid of this hope when he had none in the first place. _Now that Ouma wasn’t here, he couldn’t keep his sanity in check anymore_.

When he was alone, he cried.

 _He cried and cried and cried, until he had no more tears_. _It was the end of the class trial, and Saihara couldn’t stop Kiibo from trying to blow up the school_.

 _Funny there is a few events he couldn’t stop at all_. The only ones he can change is the fourth trial. Sure, he can twist the third trial, but he can’t stop the murder completely. He usually changed these trials around to save Ouma. Not this time. He couldn’t save Ouma. He couldn’t save _anyone_ at this point.

 _Not even himself_.

Ouma would usually hug him, shush him, and keep him sane throughout this trial, and as he faced Shirogane, he couldn’t bring himself to care about the background plot, of the audience. Of the audience. He decided it was best that if it was just him, Yumeno, and Harukawa. That just survived.

When they came out of that rubble, he finally let more tears out. He finally let out that _hopelessness he felt_. Just _knowing_ what was around the corner. This…

 _Despair_.

 _He missed the feel of Ouma next to him_. _He missed holding Ouma_. _He missed the feel of his lips against his own during this time_. He finally let that all out, and just cried. Ignoring the concerns and plea’s of Yumeno and Harukawa.

Once they were out…

 _Everything went white_.

Then darkness.

He fell out of the locker and he was back in time. He looked up to see Akamatsu there, concerned, and clearly scared of their ‘ _new_ ’ location. Saihara remembered his lines, and followed Akamatsu around, pretending not to know what’s going on. Pretending not to know where they were at.

 _It was when he saw Ouma again that he broke character_.

He pretended to be a detective that knew about DICE, and just play along to Ouma’s lies. Not answering his question about robots having dicks ( _He just laughed, to be honest_ ), and just keeping the façade about not knowing what’s going on.

Once Akamatsu was done, and wanted to leave, he said he’ll catch up. He turned to Ouma, and pulled him into a tight hug.

Ouma, heating up, wondered what was going on.

Saihara just smiled.

“ _I missed you_.” He whispered, keeping his grip tight, “ _Don’t die this time_.”

Ouma stood there in utter confusion and shock, as Saihara pulled away, and ran to catch up to Akamatsu. Wondering what took so long, Saihara just laughed, not wanting to answer directly.

“ _Just catching up to a friend_.” He answers, honestly, “ _Even if he wasn’t my friend_.”

With that, Akamatsu accepted the answer, and Saihara continued to followed.

Ouma was his only hope, in this hell. Even though he lost hope a long time ago, many timelines ago. Many, many, _many_ timelines ago.

He still kept going.

As long as Ouma lives, he’ll be fine.

 _Fine isn’t even the right word_. _Just despair_.

**X-X-X-X  
End…**

**Author's Note:**

> This was for part of [Oumasai Week](https://oumasaiweek.tumblr.com/), and the theme was Despair.
> 
> I already finished my art piece for the day, but I decided that art piece needed a story to go with it.
> 
> So, here is Saihara’s PoV on despair, during his loop series.
> 
> By the way- this particular pair of loops take place before he started to care about saving everyone. During his _experimental times_ ( _remember when he mentions experimenting things with Ouma in[Suspicious](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13269117/chapters/30447249) during the twenties timelines_? ). You don't have to read that story to understand it, but it does help understand why he decided to let Ouma die again. Thanks.
> 
> So- this takes place between timelines twenty and thirty. ^^
> 
>  _Very early_ during his adventurers.
> 
> Thank you, very much for reading! ^^


End file.
